Primal Scream

Need a stimulus - a subject - a cause - a reason to post. But what would interest you the most  ? 

                       

I'm an ignorant savage from the mountains.   Yeah. I guess.

Some say MORE - some say..... less.... some say  that  saying nothing .... is best and  safest ....?  

                           Truth is a dangerous weapon.  Truth is funny. Truth has many facets.  Choices.

              What do YOU think I should write about ?  Don't want to be trivial or ....safe.

Honestly, I don't like writing about myself...I'm  boring to myself.  

                         The past is gone. The future doesn't exist. The present is chaos

People and situations keep rolling over me - I'm caught in the undertow - swallowing saltwater, my  hair in my mouth...    I'm embarrassed to be disheveled-     has my top come off  ?  my bottom is packed with itchy icky stuff.    My feet haven't found purchase so they are wildly kicking water..and I'm wrinkled from  my long immersion.    Hey- Is that a shark ? 

I want to meet a mermaid. Where are the mermaids ? (notice: ...The Silver Seashell blog...link here )

I can't seem to get above the waves long enough to swim to the beach.... where everyone else seems relaxed and happy..eating sandwichs and yelling at the kids. 

   I'm adrift like seaweed shoved into the rocks where I cling for a  hard mooring. -There is nowhere else.  

Overcome by responsibilities and lack of choices.  Like everyone else.   

   Sometimes - I purposefully prod and poke fun at  you .  Sorry.  not really.    well,  OK    Can't help it.

 Imagination has been the only freedom  I  allow  myself ....because  limitations and boundaries define all 

physical existence...yours and mine. But my imagination isn't enslaved by T.V. or images from the Big Screen. 

More like  THE  PRIMAL  SCREAM....many people can't stand the nagging of spirit and want to kill their  own  spirits. They often succeed unfortunately and  become Zombies.  Lots of  them..

I want to set my spirit  free.....but my body won't  leave.

My spirit loves the wide and the open, the wonders and the wisdom - that my life is not.

Nice Lesbian -bad juju.

I went to town today.  What an expensive and exhausting trip ! I paid $ 1301.36  invoice for rental car that was stolen from my tenant- Sandi.  NEVER again will I do any favors . No good deed goes unpunished !    ---It could have been worse -

           I could have had to replace the whole car if totaled in accident or taken to chop shop.

I've been MAX stressed - not knowing what happened to rental car.- But Chevy Malibu is back..  

Sandi has assured me that she would repay all charges, but I won't hold my breath with her present track record.- cheap promises -I will- hire a property manager who will NOT allow tenants to get away with not paying rent or electric..  $200.00 per person per month.- that's cheap. ..so far all have ignored my suggestion, but I know they are thinking about it. Ranch should benefit me somehow.

Steve will soon have a good income but I'm thinking when he gets money he'll move and get an apartment someplace else. I'll be stuck here alone with freeloaders central....

 I often make meals for people.  Tonight I made Shrimp Chowder and cabbage salad with grapes. Only 2 people here and only Steve ate dinner. I was too hot and tired to eat. I  feed the cats, dogs, and water the landscape too.

My ranch is like a youth hostel  now  except nobody is paying their share of  expenses or working as hard as I do to keep the place up.

 unreliable and irresponsible youths...at least I've trained them to clean up their own areas..  sort of. 

Lexi ......Nice lesbian - BAD JUJU. 

ALexis wrecked her Mom's truck (Sandi's truck) which is why Sandi has no vehickle and  Alexis KILLED an old friend  ?  of mine  in a preventable wreck.  But she thinks it is not her fault.     

Lexi let Steve's VAN be impounded by  her carelessness   .

Lexi sleeps 18 hours a day.   Dead wood. 

So now I'm the only one with a car.

            If they want to go to a store to buy cigarettes....well, tough. 

I must go to Doctor soon for my back and sciatic nerve.  I'm limping around in pain all the time.

 Makes  all  work and  even simple chores - difficult.  Me - not happy girl ..no patience with lazy selfish - losers who wreck their cars and ask me for free rides. 

Dogs and  cats are my friends...I'm grateful they put up with me...I TRY not to be a grump.

Usually, I say nothing about what is annoying me. Because I  think no-one understands or cares how I feel..people are too self-centered to realize....how inconsiderate they are.  I'd love to see them all doing rough work with no pay  like me. HAH !

I remember when I was younger I thought old people were mean and grumpy.  NOT being a DRAMA DIVA,  I'm the silent pursed lips and squinty eyed type...  repressed - if I let  out  my  emotions - I might incarnate as a Sea-Hag ...my daughter thinks I'm a despicable character from Oliver Twist..she keeps a comic book profile of me in her head..it's hard to live up to.

Let me know about  all good things happening - so i don't dwell on my own  suffering..(.I COULD start drinking.)   Don't want to be alcoholic - to whine and dine at the Sniveler's Cafe (that's the coping method of alcoholics)

 Oh, CAMPO.  So many clowns and not enough circus

Perhaps I'd miss the metal towers LOOMING over me and helicopters whirling and spinning my sky .. probly  NOT.

 TNT